BY CHICHI MORRIS
Mothers are like a beautiful rose garden, blooming in a variety of colours with a watering can cast overhead continuously trickling nourishing waters over this rose bush. Bloom, this garden shall in all its wondrous glory, permeating the atmosphere with fragrant bliss.
Now, imagine this watering can suddenly with no one to take on the responsibility of watering this garden every evening, perhaps every other day, what happens to this once-thriving garden, growing in leaps and bounds?
Surely, It starts to wither away, slowly shrinking, losing its colour, vibrance receding, survival mode engaged but sadly unable to be sustained… this rose garden, once flourishing becomes a shadow of itself.
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This analogy can be likened to maternal mental health. It has been established that “it takes a village to raise a child”, however true this testament is, it also takes a village to support a mother raising a child. This village just like the fortified nourishing waters feeding the garden, allowing it to bloom and reach its full potential, so is having a good support network of trusted friends and family for a mother to lean on when she needs support to sift through her emotions.
Genuine support looks like real compassion and concern devoid of guilt-inducing statements that only worsen a mother’s plight. Real help can come in the form of offering one’s services when one spots a mother struggling, being there for her and pointing her in the direction of professional help when she needs to explore other options.
“One-third of new mothers experience birth trauma” which is as valid as any other form of trauma but this is very rarely talked about. New mothers are expected to be ecstatic about a newborn and mask with a smile all negative emotions that may arise. Whilst some mothers genuinely feel the bountiful joy associated with newborns, many mothers do not share in this experience and their realities should be validated.
Research shows that “1 in 5 mothers experience one or more forms of mental health challenges” during and after the birth of a child. From postpartum depression to anxiety, many mums have voiced out the loneliness and overwhelming emotions experienced and in some cases, the shame felt when experiencing these initially inexplicable high/low emotions.
Social Media Influencer and mum Tori Mccain, shares her story of being 1 in 5.
More support from professional groups is required to ensure mums can be assessed and offered help where required. Also and even more importantly, the truth about motherhood should be in clear writings. Motherhood is not a glamorous role as movies and social media tend to depict.
It is a role with the potential to be incredibly rewarding, however, there are many bumps on this motherhood path. To call it a rollercoaster ride is not far from the truth. Mothers should not be laden with the enormous task of being a “perfect mother” “a good mum”, as these terms do not exist in the real world. Mothers are humans with real emotions, they make mistakes as we all do, they learn and do their very best. The quest for perfection causes mum guilt and other negative emotions.
Social Media Influencer, Youtuber and mum Bibiana Yetty shares her story as a woman of faith and how this plays in her approach to maternal mental health.
In creating and raising a whole human being, many lessons are learned along the way, there is no one-size-fits-all manual. So, normalising ‘real motherhood’ and showcasing ‘real mum bodies’ in all their glory will create a more realistic expectation of mothers all around the world. This will also lessen mum guilt which is a plague in itself, responsible for diminishing the quality of the motherhood experience, by placing a high value on the ‘perfect looking’ mum many then aspire to and fail in the process.
The role a mother plays should be revered and celebrated and seen for what is it- hard graft with a lot of sacrifices along the way. The learning, unlearning, as well as reparenting should be recognised and given the kudos it deserves.
Tommy’s Pregnancy Hub “Tommy’s Midwives, supporting you throughout pregnancy and beyond” have highlighted self-care during #matenalmentalhealthweek.
Mothers need more support from professionals in the field of mental health, also support from their village of trusted friends and family. Those who recognise the telltale signs of a struggling mother and can swiftly swing into action with physical and emotional support, in other scenarios bringing forth helpful resources and pointing her in the direction of professionals where required.
Maternal mental illness is more common than most think and should cease to be a taboo topic. It is real and the lack of support has the potential to exacerbate these emotions, as mothers need an outlet.
We must keep kindness and compassion at the centre of our approach and lend a hand where necessary. Also, to support the raising of awareness and the call for better mental health care for mothers.
Chichi is a Writer, Lifestyle Creative and Mum, who uses word artistry to paint pictures of life’s simple luxuries, whilst in the same breath harnessing the power of storytelling to encourage positivity.
She is the Founder and Creative Director of @mumsnation, a platform where she shares celebratory stories of fiercely fabulous mums.
Her work can be found on chichimorris.com and her social media @thechichimorris @mumsnation
