Mother, one of the sweetest words to escape the lips of any living being, a testament to the reason for human continuation. This vessel bestowed with the lofty task of bringing forth life to further the existence of the species, an incredibly supreme task. This luminous task includes those who have lovingly taken on the position of the ‘mother’ through adoption, kinship placement or assumed role through a partner or as a grandparent. This multifaceted role comes in many bright and beautiful shades and one doesn’t need to have birthed life to gloriously carry out this role diligently.
Mother, the name that could instantly bring a smile to one’s lips, eyes light up, warmth felt in the heart, fears allayed, safety and unconditional love assured.
Mother, my greatest gift and highest privilege.
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“Mummy, mummy! Good morning mummy! Wake up! It’s morning; it’s 10 o’clock (it is always 10 o’clock to her, I am not sure why)”.
As I awake to a stream of bright light, beaming through the slightly ajar door in my blacked-out windows, pitch-black room, I am greeted by the most melodious voice- that of my toddler. I smile and thank heavens when I hear her feet navigating her way towards me, I must have done something really good to deserve such a lovely little lady. One of the perks that come with this mommy title is to be celebrated every morning like a Queen eagerly welcomed by her Kingdom.
It feels so good to see a beaming child, extremely excited to see me- It is a new experience that I savour every day. She runs to me and throws her arms around my neck, rather tightly but I don’t mind, I am consumed by the sudden rush of warmth coursing through my body, this love is unimaginably special. She kisses my cheeks and counts her kisses, 9, 10, 11, 16, too eager to count accurately, but who cares, love knows no accuracy nor does it follows a set pattern. “ I love you every day, I love you 4 times every day she says, I chuckle and asks why 4 times? Because I love you she replies. In this instant, we snuggle up tightly under the covers as a family and I pinch myself as I offer up gratitude.
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After I conceived, I would sit and wonder at what our little one would look like, what features would she present, what would her temperament be like? I spent many nights cradling my belly singing Igbo songs and reading books to my little peanut, playing hypnobirthing music when the midnight kicking ensued. Through these midnight ‘party for two’ experiences, I got a hint of her vibrant personality, she was already full of life and strength.
The process of birthing is anything but glamourous however, the creative force that holds spectacular power allows us to witness the best fruits born out of incredible pain. An event that feels like the heavens vibrating as its finest manifests into Earth, through painstaking effort. The process of conception and birth will always remain miraculously fascinating to me, one that holds so much mystery and uncertainty, but guarantees the purest form of love and the most blissful ride ahead.
The weeks after such an event remains the most confusing, convoluted roller coaster of rides. Emotions ranging from the high highs to the low lows, the questioning of one’s innate ability to mother a child, the worry of how much milk is needed to feed a child? I remember asking “ how do I know if she’s hungry”, the midwife smiled and said oh she will tell you, her cry will be loud.
My early motherhood experience was fraught with challenges, one where I found myself wading through the sometimes murky waters of my new role, with me being far away from my village of female relatives, who would have naturally guided me on my new journey.
One day while holding the little one for hours, the sudden realisation that my derrière had gone numb dawned on me, I began to feel as though I was sinking into a deep abyss, gaining momentum as I tumbled even deeper. I am thankful for my intuition and the ability to check in with myself regularly. When I noticed something was amiss, I thought to myself, “I may not be able to use my hands, but I have a device and earphones”, so I quickly reached for my tablet to plug into resources to lift my spirit. Les Brown came through with his motivational speech collection on Audible, soon after listening, I started to feel myself float away from this potential dark space.
Every day after this, I checked in with myself emotionally, mesmerising my senses with blissful playlists on Spotify. I had Native American music booming around the house, I overwhelmed our rooms with fresh flowers and had relatives on the phone, laughing away. This reassured me of the love and support I have on tap. Motherhood requires support for a successful transition into this new role.
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As I look at my little girl, sleeping soundly in my arms, her chest rising every so steadily, her face resembling a cherub with smooth skin and rosy cheeks, curly hair braided neatly- the result of a Sunday bonding ritual we have cultivated, where I braid her hair whilst telling her stories about my childhood in Nigeria.
I am struck by her beauty, but more striking is her personality- kind, funny and intuitive for such a young girl.
I may be her mother, nurturer, carer but she is my ultimate teacher. I learn patience, mindful living and wonderment. When I hold my little one, I whisper words of gratitude to my Creator. I remind her daily, so that her subconscious mind absorbs this fact – my love is Unwavering, Firm, Abundant, Unconditional, the purest kind. Wherever she may go, be I near or far, I pray my love guides, fortifies and encircles her like a soft blanket, cushioning the effect of any curveball life may throw her way.
To ace this role, I soon realised I had to fall head over heels in love with my new position, embracing every facet of it. Acknowledging the challenges like a soldier going to battle (sometimes it does feel like a battle), armed to the teeth with the armour of love, compassion, a tall drink of patience, development resources to hand, meal prep in the bag, journaling, strict goal setting and of course, have that one friend with experience on speed dial, to have a laugh, a cry, vent or share Big wins!
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They say babies do not come with a manual, but mothers posses the instinct to love, protect and provide nutrition to ensure survival.
One of the books that I found invaluable on my journey through early child rearing is “The Wonder Weeks” and I recommend this to every new parent. The Wonder Weeks is a fascinating book written by physical anthropologist Hetty van de Rijt and ethologist and developmental psychologist Frans Plooij, a husband and wife duo who specialise in researching child behaviour and have done so for over three decades. They wrote a comprehensive book and designed an app which details a baby’s mental and neurological development, with potential “leaps” dates to sync with one’s calendar, forecasting fussy periods which may lead to disruptions in sleep, appetite and behaviour. It tracks milestone progress and classes them into leaps, broken down from birth up until the 20-month mark.
As one who is fascinated by research, science, and also keen to understand the ‘why’ behind many behavioural expressions, I found this book excellent in quenching my thirst. “The Wonder Weeks” illustrates the logic behind child behaviour, it transforms the early months of a child’s life into a magical, insightful learning journey, where the parent ceases to see the child as a teething-falling over-babbling-being, but a highly intelligent entity, navigating a new unfamiliar world while smashing milestones with vigour and excitement.
As a result of my experience as a new mother, I decided to carve out a space for mums on Instagram, called @mumsnation firstly to connect with other mums and read about their stories, which gave me the confidence and reassurance that this journey is not one we walk alone, as we are constantly surrounded by divine feminine energy. Secondly, to share stories of fiercely fabulous mums overcoming incredible challenges and celebrating triumphs.
To emphasise mum experiences in the majority are not peculiar to one individual, there is a myriad of shared stories mums can relate to as a collective. This community brings about the feeling of camaraderie and aims to support mums in the early stages of motherhood.
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5 Practical Tools For A Positive Motherhood
I find these 5 tools have brought me incredible balance and fostered a positive motherhood experience.
The Village – Be it an online community like @mumsnation, sharing stories mums can connect with or the ‘Peanut’ app which resembles a dating app, however, an app for mums who seek lasting friendships or have questions to ask. It is a fantastic hub with jam-packed with information and support groups, I have made some good pals on there. A physical village is indispensable if one possesses the luxury of having people only a call away, ready to support, advise, listen and love in our current climes.
The Child Psychologist – Positive Parenting in my opinion is vital in raising a well-rounded child, one who can self-regulate and express all emotions safely. As the daughter of a Clinical Psychologist, I know firsthand the importance of understanding human behaviour. I follow a Child Psychologist on Instagram @drbeckyathome and she is phenomenal! Her page is a child emotions/behaviour resource hub and her practical solutions work for me! I am a believer. I practice her methods daily and have seen immense growth as a positive parenting advocate.
The Playlist – Whether you choose Spotify, iTunes or any other music platform, having a playlist to vibe to or have a little boogie with or without the little one is always a winner. After all, they say “music is medicine” and “laughter is the best cure” as these enable the secretion of feel-good hormones.
The Affirmation Cards– Saying daily affirmations help me connect with my inner strength. It centres and energises me as I visualise a positive day ahead. Morning meditation also sets me up for a successful day.
The Self-Care Kit – As a mum, I am constantly pouring out of my cup in service to my child and my home. Giving love, affection, reassurance, cooking, cleaning and wearing many hats, from teacher to nurse. As a professional working woman, also running a business and writing to my hearts content, spending quality time and reconnecting with myself is something I enjoy tremendously and engage in to find balance. Be it with lit candles, a cup of tea, soft music playing in the background and a good book to hand or a much-needed soothing soak in the bath when our child is in bed. It is essential I top up my cup by indulging in positive self-care.
As we go about appreciating and celebrating the Queen mothers in our lives this mother’s day, one thing rings true, mothers deserve their flowers, they deserve the crowns that sit firmly on their heads.
The role of a mother is second to none. All mothers, regardless of the circumstance surrounding how they achieved this role, be it by birth, adoption or otherwise are that special sauce that makes everything taste much better. They are supreme vessels who nurture all life and ensure progress, continuity, community cohesion, all seasoned with love, affection, attention, compassion, zest and balance.
Mothers make the world a better place and should be celebrated every day.
Post written by Chichi Morris, contributing writer and editor at Mossonyi.
Chichi is a Writer, Lifestyle Blogger and Mum, who uses word artistry to paint pictures of life’s simple luxuries, whilst in the same breath harnessing the power of storytelling to encourage positivity. She is the Founder and Creative Director of @mumsnation, a platform where she shares celebratory stories of fiercely fabulous mums.
Her work can be found on chichimorris.com and her social media @thechichimorris @mumsnation
Chichi is a Writer, Lifestyle Creative and Mum, who uses word artistry to paint pictures of life’s simple luxuries, whilst in the same breath harnessing the power of storytelling to encourage positivity.
She is the Founder and Creative Director of @mumsnation, a platform where she shares celebratory stories of fiercely fabulous mums.
Her work can be found on chichimorris.com and her social media @thechichimorris @mumsnation
