It feels like I haven’t managed to keep up with my blog schedule and other things that aren’t blog related if I’m being honest. I’m learning a lot these days that it’s okay not to be okay. I’ve never been the most popular girl or one to have many friends which in a good way has given me the chance to build a sustainable relationship with the people closest to me. When you get close to people, it’s only natural that you get to love and care for them. So it’s hard not to worry about them every now and again especially when they share their burdens with you. A bit like how Kim Wexler (from “Better Call Saul”) feels about Saul’s current plight. The same also goes for celebrating in their successes which is even sweeter when you’ve been a part of their journey getting there. Lately it feels like all I’ve been doing is focusing on everyone else (as I should because they are my people and I love them dearly) but me and I didn’t even know I was subconsciously doing this. It took a call from one of my close friends who was kind enough to spell it out to me. She reminded me that as much as we love the people closest to us, we can’t always control what happens to them just as they also can’t control some of the things life dishes to us. All we have to do is let them know that we’ll always be there for them no matter what and that in itself is all the assurance they need; knowing they can lean on you when the time comes.
I always tend to look tough and act like I’ve got everything together (which I totally haven’t) and it was nice to know that my friend could recognise that I too have needs of my own even when worrying about everyone else. It’s not that I didn’t know this before but it made me realise even more so that it is okay not to be okay especially around the people you love. Watching a lot of “Jane The Virgin” (my cheesy pleasure is what I like to call it) on Netflix has helped hit the point home too. It’s okay to break down in tears and pour your heart out even when it feels like you’re choking on your words just as it’s okay to scream and do a little crazy dance when you share news of wonderful things that are happening. Considering the paradigm of life; there are highs and there are lows. The latter we always get to learn from and perhaps draw some strength from. This is eventually what makes us who we are at our core. So let your guard down is what I tell myself these days. You’re human too. One who like Jane is all the wiser that it’s okay not to be okay.