My Week In Black And White: Smoke and Mirrors

February 19, 2017

This past week was quite exciting. Busy with the usual day job and side hustle that is my blog. I got to shoot an Ad Campaign for a Cashmere brand which I totally enjoyed. But the most exciting thing about this week was Valentine. We did a couple shoot (which I love doing by the way) in an empty section of a restaurant and captured the behind the scenes in a vlog. I came across some lost files of myself and Craig from three years ago that had us smiling all through. I shared a love story in a blog post which got me really thinking about how my journey of love has shaped me into the woman I am today. Something I’m hoping to share in this post.

My journey of love; self love and acceptance can only be describe as an actual journey. One where I’m in the driving seat heading to a place of peace, a place where I am at one with myself. Along the way, I pick up passengers. People who appear to be heading in the same direction as me. Ironically, the one who drove me to be every bit of me was the most hostile passenger. Someone who when I think back now clearly wasn’t happy with themselves and projected their insecurities onto me. I became accustomed to hearing words like “you can’t do without me”, “I’m better looking than you“, “my friends don’t like you“. You know what they say, “faith comes by hearing”. Well, what I was hearing wasn’t good but I let it linger for three years because of the fear of being alone. To everyone else on the journey, close friends and family, everything looked just fine. But in truth it was all smoke and mirrors.

It became clear I was losing myself. I couldn’t find the peace I set out to find on this journey, not with this passenger onboard. In the end the two choices I was left with was “fear or love”. Fear made me unsure, leading me to make wrong turns and sometimes going backwards. Love on the other hand kept me focused on the journey ahead. For what seemed to be a brief moment, I imagined life without the hostile passenger and it was filled with peace, the peace I was after. My desire to succeed became greater than my fear of failure. And so, I chose love. Love and acceptance. Knowing that I have enough love to give to myself and others around around me.

“Because ultimately, we are not the avatars we create, we’re not the pictures on the film stock. We are the light that shines through. All else is just smoke and mirrors, distracting but not truly compelling. That peace that we’re after lies somewhere beyond personality. Beyond the perception of others. Beyond invention of the skies, even beyond effort itself. You can join the game, fight the wars, play with form all you want. But to find real peace you have to let the armour go.” – Jim Carrey

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