Most of you who know me know it’s no secret that I met my husband online. It is something I’m happy to talk about and share because I know it works drawing from my own experience and also having a couple friends who met their spouses that way.
The other day I was having a conversation with a friend and he seemed to have this concern that there was a stigma and a sense of desperation if you will attached to online dating. As much as I disagree with his views I can totally see where he’s coming from. In the past I feel that this used to be the case, however, with the likes of social media more and more people seem to be meeting online.
There are so many reasons why people might choose to date online and desperation might not necessarily form part of it. For starters it’s easier to deal with rejection online than it is face to face and also you get a chance to approach people you might not necessarily have the courage to approach in real life. For me it was a case of not having an active social life coupled with wanting to find love and if online dating gave me a chance at that then what have I to lose?
It’s been over two years since I met my husband online and here are some of the tips I have to share.
Join the right site
There are so many services offering online dating. You have to make sure that you join one that offers what you’re looking for. Be sure to do your research before joining and avoid being on multiple sites. A good one to join when looking for a serious relationship is eharmony as they have a matching system that has proven to work time and time again but it comes at a price as you have to pay subscriptions to gain access to their site.
There are other free sites that don’t charge. Being the cheapskate that I am, I joined Oasis. I liked Oasis because it was not only free but a bit like Facebook where in order for someone to contact you, they would need to request your permission first to be added to your list of contacts which gives you a chance to view their profile before deciding whether or not you’d like to be in contact with them.
When creating your profile be very honest about yourself and what you’re looking for. I mean if you’re going to put yourself out there for the world to see you might as well do it right. That way you’re more likely to get the interest of people who not only are okay with who you are but also fall under the category of what you’re looking for.
Make sure you have at least two recent (taken within the last six months) photographs of yourself, one up close and the other a full body shot. No one wants to turn up on a date only to find out that you’re an older version of your online self.
Also when talking to people online be sure to get your true self across so people know what to expect from you when you finally decide to meet. At this point people who don’t find you a match will leave and those who find you a potential match will continue to engage you.
When you finally decide that you’re ready to take the next step and meet face to face, plan your meeting in a public space as you are only going by what they have told you about themselves and you’ll need more time to trust that you can meet them privately.
Another way you can find out more about them is to check them out on social media before agreeing to go on a date to make sure that they are at least who they say they are.
When you feel someone is not a good fit for you communicate that earlier on so as to allow them to move on. When you feel like someone might be a good fit for you make them aware of those feelings so you can both agree on the next steps to take which usually involves dating exclusively to see where it goes. This has been key to my success. I and my husband felt we were a good fit for each other and didn’t waste anytime letting our feelings known to one another.
Be prepared not to find ”the one” instantly. Some people would have lied about themselves and some you might just not find a good fit for you. The only way to eventually meet that person is by hanging in there and being consistently true about who you are and what you want. It’s okay to move to a new site when you feel you haven’t had any luck on one. I remember doing the switch to Oasis and within two weeks of joining and not expecting much my husband made contact with me.
It is also safe to say that even though you’re looking to find love online be aware of the people around you as there might be someone around the corner who’ll jump at the thought of going for drinks with you and who knows where that might lead. So be prepared to find love offline.
Finally, remember that no one is perfect. It’s okay to lower your expectations when it comes to others. Sometimes you have to work really hard to finally get the desired results and relationships are no different. As much as you might want to not see someone again after the first date (which tends to be not so great as both parties are usually nervous), it might be worth giving it a second chance and even a third. I say this because I was uncertain at first about my husband because of the facade he put up on the first date but I knew there was something that might become if he only he relaxed a bit; and I was right cause here we are two years on and still counting.
I hope you found my tips helpful. Don’t be afraid to take a chance on love online or offline. From the girl who loves to love.